It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
