Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
