if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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