But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
