what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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