So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
