he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
