Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
