If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
