I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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