And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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