I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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