So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
my sisters under your porch take her home
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
