I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
