I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
