can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
