Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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