this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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