six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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