Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
