My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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