i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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