I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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