Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
