whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
