We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
