Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
