I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
