just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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