Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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