How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I can't turn off my feet"
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
