you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
