You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
