you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
