I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
