walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
