You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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