oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
