If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
