I wish I could teleport
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i wish my penis had a tongue
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
