can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
