babies were throwing up all over the place
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
soo... how was my night?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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