why didn't you poke me back
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
