i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize