**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
