Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
