Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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