She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
