Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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