I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What a fucking waste of an outfit
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
