its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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