Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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