and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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