I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
