There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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