if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
