you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
