No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
