dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i now understand why vodka
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
