It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
