my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
