office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
