barbara walters just said penis...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
