What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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