So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
