So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
