You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
