this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
