we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
