Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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