Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
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