Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
that is very illegal...i love you.
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