You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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