there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
