sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
