i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
