my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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