What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
