Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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