My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
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I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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