Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize