Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
