Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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