Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
