Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
