2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
